Friday, November 07, 2008

2.7GHz Shanghai Frags 3.0GHz Intel Quad

Intel: 3.0 GHz, 12MB cache, 2x4 cores, 308,847 ssj_ops at load

http://www.spec.org/power_ssj2008/results/res2007q4/power_ssj2008-20071205-00021.txt

AMD: 2.7GHz, 6MB L3, 2x4 cores, 338,577 ssj_ops

http://www.spec.org/power_ssj2008/results/res2008q4/power_ssj2008-20081017-00092.txt

AMD's 2.7 GHz is 10% faster than Intel's 3.0GHz, in other words, AMD is 20% faster than Intel at the same clock.

By the way, Intel's six-core triple double cheeseburger is a dog: 4x6 = 24 cores sore only 139 in SpecFP, while a 16 core Barcelona scores 170.

15 Comments:

OpenID greymatter71 said...

Irrespective of clock speeds, let us compare the top bin offering of AMD to the top bin offering of Intel. You are comparing the not yet available but expected to be fastest Opteron to the mid-level Xeon (3GHz, 1333MHz FSB). Move to 1600MHz FSB CPUs and the top bin is at 3.4GHz (X5492). Shanghai is yet to become available in open market and all indications are that it will be a stillborn baby.
AMDs strength lies in 4 & 9 socket systems but not for long. I used to be an Intel basher but no more. Once AMD gained market strength I was impressed by Intel because
i) Intel responded to and thwarted the challenge very effectively and in a shorter period than anyone had anticipated.
ii) Interacted with various executives of AMD since it gained traction in market two years ago. Found that AMD HR hires jokers. As a professional I do not like having to deal with jokers. Intel team has professionals

10:00 PM, November 07, 2008  
Blogger BONER said...

http://www.theinquirer.net/gb/inquirer/news/2008/11/07/first-shanghai-benchmark

Your precious AMD cheated, sharifag.

1:41 AM, November 08, 2008  
Blogger BONER said...

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

1:48 AM, November 08, 2008  
Blogger BONER said...

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

1:48 AM, November 08, 2008  
Blogger BONER said...

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

1:48 AM, November 08, 2008  
Blogger BONER said...

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

1:49 AM, November 08, 2008  
Blogger BONER said...

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

1:50 AM, November 08, 2008  
Blogger BONER said...

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Onedipshithomo assured him. Sharicum Slurper took a seat exotically proximate to where Onedipshithomo had hidden the pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sharicum Slurper was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Onedipshithomo noticed a annoying look on Sharicum Slurper's face. Sharicum Slurper slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Onedipshithomo felt a stabbing pain in her prostate when Sharicum Slurper asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the pink dildo of shame right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Sharicum Slurper's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sharicum Slurper nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Onedipshithomo could react, Sharicum Slurper carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The pink dildo of shame was plainly in view.

Sharicum Slurper stared at Onedipshithomo for what what must've been six nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Onedipshithomo groped wildly in Sharicum Slurper's direction, clearly desperate. Sharicum Slurper grabbed the pink dildo of shame and bolted for the door. It was locked. Onedipshithomo let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sharicum Slurper,' she rebuked. Onedipshithomo always had been a little insensitive, so Sharicum Slurper knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Onedipshithomo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at her or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his pink dildo of shame tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Onedipshithomo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sharicum Slurper. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sharicum Slurper. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Onedipshithomo walked over to the window and looked down. Sharicum Slurper was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sharicum Slurper was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Onedipshithomo's place. Sharicum Slurper had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cockmunchers suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the pink dildo of shame. One by one they latched on to Sharicum Slurper. Already weakened from his injury, Sharicum Slurper yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cockmunchers running off with his pink dildo of shame.

About five hours later, Sharicum Slurper awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Sharicum Slurper did not know where he was. Deep in the humid bush, Sharicum Slurper was excessively lost. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he remembered that his pink dildo of shame was taken by the cockmunchers. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized cockmuncher emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha cockmuncher. Sharicum Slurper opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the cockmuncher sunk its teeth into Sharicum Slurper's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sharicum Slurper's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Onedipshithomo was entombed by anguish over the loss of the pink dildo of shame. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her shin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sharicum Slurper... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the pink dildo of shame that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant cockmunchers, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

It all started when our over-heralded star, Sharicum Slurper, woke up in a swamp. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Sharicum Slurper punched a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved pink dildo of shame was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Onedipshithomo. Sharicum Slurper had known Onedipshithomo for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Onedipshithomo was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... oafish. Sharicum Slurper called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Onedipshithomo picked up to a very calm Sharicum Slurper. Onedipshithomo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually wildly sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sharicum Slurper. Why was Onedipshithomo trying to distract Sharicum Slurper? Because she had snuck out from Sharicum Slurper's with the pink dildo of shame only two days prior. It was a enchanting little pink dildo of shame... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Sharicum Slurper got back to the subject at hand: his pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo grimaced. Relunctantly, Onedipshithomo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the pink dildo of shame. Sharicum Slurper grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Onedipshithomo realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the pink dildo of shame and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Sharicum Slurper took the magic flying carpet, she had take at least six minutes before Sharicum Slurper would get there. But if he took the Ass Gasket Blaster? Then Onedipshithomo would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Onedipshithomo was interrupted by three abrasive cockmunchers that were lured by her pink dildo of shame. Onedipshithomo sighed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling puzzled, she recklessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Ass Gasket Blaster rolling up. It was Sharicum Slurper.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Sharicum Slurper was out of the Ass Gasket Blaster and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Onedipshithomo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Onedipshithomo was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the pink dildo of shame into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Onedipshithomo was exasperated but at least the pink dildo of shame was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Onedipshithomo wildly purred. With a heroic push, Sharicum Slurper opened the door